If Tree Man Doesn't Give You Wood Then Sweetie, I'm Sorry, Nothing Will

As they say nowadays, "It all started with a tweet."

As they say nowadays,

That tweet led to private messages.

That tweet led to private messages.

And those private messages led to speculation and eventually an investigation.

And those private messages led to speculation and eventually an investigation.

Questions arose...

Questions arose...

...and questions were answered:

...and questions were answered:

Then, they found him. They found Tree Man.

Then, they found him. They found Tree Man.

This is Tree Man. His real name is Danny Jones but we will continue to call him Tree Man because it's better.

This is Tree Man. His real name is Danny Jones but we will continue to call him Tree Man because it's better.

He is, basically, a giant. A giant tree.

He is, basically, a giant. A giant tree.

Like, he can't even fit on the bed!

Like, he can't even fit on the bed!

His superpowers include being able to change kitchen lightbulbs without a stool...

His superpowers include being able to change kitchen lightbulbs without a stool...

...and posing with abs with a giant pizza.

...and posing with abs with a giant pizza.

Sometimes he even posts pics like this with emojis covering his dick area.

Sometimes he even posts pics like this with emojis covering his dick area.

This is a picture of his butt. It is a shelf.

This is a picture of his butt. It is a shelf.

Tree Man likes to pose next to doors to show just how giant he actually is.

Tree Man likes to pose next to doors to show just how giant he actually is.

He also squats in teeny-tiny jorts.

He also squats in teeny-tiny jorts.

Oh, his thighs? Yes, the rumors are true, they could crush my skull.

Oh, his thighs? Yes, the rumors are true, they could crush my skull.

This is a picture of Tree Man on some stairs. He can't fit because he is as big as a tree.

This is a picture of Tree Man on some stairs. He can't fit because he is as big as a tree.

Lastly, here is another picture of him with an emoji covering his dick area.

Lastly, here is another picture of him with an emoji covering his dick area.

Thank you for existing, Tree Man. Suddenly I stan botany.

Thank you for existing, Tree Man. Suddenly I stan botany.

I am this comment. The end.

I am this comment. The end.

(He's 6'7".)

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